meltdown, and a sonnet.

Good Friday Afternoon. it is soooo lovely outside! and WINDY! sigh, who wants to bet i will Not ride my bike yet again today? there were thoughts of it...i think the wind is blowing them out of my head. :( guilt, guilt. i had a meltdown at work today. i think it's that time of month, and i hadn't really eaten much (but yes on the coffee-drinking). and there was SO much to do and so many WAFFLES! there were a lot of choice cuss words directed at waffles running through my head today, and no, it's not fair, i'm not proud...here is how i dealt with anger: 1) silent treatment 2) making angry faces 3) breaking a plastic pitcher by throwing it on the ground 4) throwing egg shells into the trash, violently (at least that was productive...?) 5) stomping down boxes (loudly) in the parking lot 6) hitting concrete with the side of my fist 7) getting away from it all by sitting in the sun and working myself up to tears for several minutes. and of course random fist-shakings. so...now i've been all kinds of mean to people, and probably bruised my hand as well. anyway...
picture 1: izzy making crazy eyes and loving on some flowers
picture 2: self-portrait
picture 3: weather-related felties!
picture 4: my cake project! have been taking a cake decorating class this month (4 classes, 2 hrs each) at michaels--it was really fun, and the 2 hrs passed by quickly! learned alot, but haven't perfected anything (or anywhere close).it was a pretty ridiculous cake.

here's yesterday's attempt at a sonnet that is about dealing with guilt (or at least, feeling guilt):

The plastic bag that scuttles down the street
Tap-taps the tune of guilty conscience (mine)--
Of deeds to do, and souls that I should meet,
But don't--for fear, for pride, for misspent time...
It catches on a pile of debris,
Hangs, pummeled by the breeze--pathetic, beat--
As I debate responsibility:
What has my neighbor's trash to do with me?

And none of this would be a second's thought
If not for all the other guilty stings--
My life is filling, full, of "I forgots..."
And failed "shoulds" and secret, wicked things.
But falling short, I am forgiven, too--
In final sense, have nothing more to do.

And, why not, a haiku:

Seedling breaking ground
A story never stale
Simple, still, profound.

Musings by a Sleepy Baker

This really only means I should be going to bed now instead of writing doggerel :)

Cover me with flour!
Dust me all in white--
They'll think I am a ghost
But I only look a fright!
I'm a baker in the morning!
A baker through the night...
I think I'd better sleep now...
I think that would be right.

My goodness! I am tired!
And yet I'll never sleep--
The sugar keeps me wide-awake,
As through my pores it seeps.
I've nearly reached my pillow,
It's inches from my head--
I hope I do not dream (again)
Of murd'rous loaves of bread.
I need my Bambi nightlight--or
A gun, for goodness' sake!
I know I'll dream I'm being chased
By a hungry piece of cake!
You don't know what it's like.
I hope you never do.
A baker's life is sweet, of course,
But it will burn you, too.

loves my izzy!

...and my new adorable book shirt from christi! yay thank you! :)

Happy Easter!

Happy day before Easter! So...today, work was exciting. Because a HUGE group of mothers came (in the midst of our farmer's market crowd), to protest some alleged breast-feeding hate on the part of yours truly's coffeeshop. so we made them gingerbread ladies :) (cheri's idea. i cut the cookie dough. another baker decorated them because she is artistic :) they're totally scandalous.
the second picture is of this awesome shirt that D mailed me today! THANK YOU! :)
then some more pictures, food-themed...
Here is a random poem! have a wonderful easter!

A dollar for the debonair,
A thimble for my thumb,
A ribbon for a young girl's hair,
A word that goes and comes.
A twinkle for a blind blue eye,
New raindrops for the seed,
And that for which I never ask
But often am in need.

Moira Mushroom and her Unrequited Love

hello! what a great day for a nap! please? yes?
so, i was trying to multitask by listening to This American Life and writing a poem at the same time...which is silly, because i know i can't write while something listen-able is going on in the background. but...turning it off would've required movement, and i was comfortable, and...anyway, the poem suffered from my laziness i'm afraid. :) it's a totally depressing poem about a mushroom's unrequited love for a tree who doesn't even know she exists. poor girl.

Moira Mushroom had a crush
On Selwyn Sycamore.
"So tall and regal!" Moira gushed,
And loved him all the more.
"But will he ever notice me?
I barely reach his toes!"
She grabbed a handy, fallen leaf
And blew her sniffy nose.
She brightened up her spotted cap
And prayed that he'd look down,
But seasons came, and seasons went,
His leaves turned green and brown,
As Selwyn slowly grew and grew--
But Moira's height stayed fast,
Until she sighed, and shriveled up,
And found her peace at least.

new project! and something about vampires.

Here are some photos of my latest 'project'--magnets! basically i am drawing/coloring pictures, then going to cut them out, laminate, and stick magnets on the back. so easy! but incredibly fun :) a lot of them incorporate terrible puns, as you can see in the sample above. sigh...of course, my picture-loader was unable to figure out which way was north.

i dreamed about vampires last night...that i was being shown around a prison by a prison warden who was going on vacation, and i was supposed to substitute for him. but the doors to the cells were wooden, without windows,and there was a long long narrow staircase going down, with the doors getting narrower and i didn't know who or what was behind them. in my dream i saw that the warden got killed by a vampire-prisoner, who then escaped...but i don't think the self that was supposed to guard the prison knew that. that self had already gotten separated from the warden and found her way out of the building into the sunlight. for the time being.
but it was also kind of a movie in which i knew the outcome, and that Feist was playing the part of some vampire-prisoner who had a really good sense of smell and was hunting the other, mortal prisoners. what??
then i woke up replaying 'silence of the lambs' in my mind, which was the first time i'd thought about that movie since watching it (thank goodness!) and decided i'd better get out of bed and start the day before i scared myself silly!

Crazy.

The Forgetful Baker

Die Watchful Katzen! (that's pronounced "dee" not "die", and means "the" not..."die"...don't worry!)
Cake Decorating Class numero cuatro tonight! learning daffodils and other sundry flowers, yay! other items on today's agenda include: listening to today's New Testament reading, P90x, shower...eat...crafting of some sort :) listening to the sweet li'l birdies outside! promising! hope you all have a great day! today's poem needs no explanation i think...except that it's not autobiographical...thank goodness, although i don't usually wear an apron. oh, and update on the publishing...i still need to make myself go to the library and print things. sigh.



I didn't wear my apron, so
I'm fairly drenched in flour;
Nor did I wear my timepiece, so
I cannot tell the hour.
I didn't read the recipe,
Or measure anything
(Or cash my measly paycheck; now
I'm poorer than the King.)
I didn't turn the oven on,
Which may be just as well--
I prob'ly wouldn't turn it off,
But only smoke can tell..
My cake has fallen, I'm far more
Than fashionably late.
No thank you, turncoat mem'ry, for
Manipulating fate.

i've got landscaping!

Good evening!
Root beer is de-li-cious! and i made the world's ugliest gluten-free german chocolate cake at work. i think i was blushing as i carried the little horror out to the case "i didn't make this! don't look! it wasn't me!"...but oh, it was. thankfully, it was pretty darn tasty. actually, that's my second hideous cake in a row. yoikes.
eh, i don't know how this poem relates to me, because it has something to do with being content with where you are, and in finding rest in something (God??) other than whatever dissatisfaction may be driving you. or something. but i'm certainly not wanting to say, "don't strive for anything or pursue dreams". sorry, i'm distracted and not writing clearly. it seems to be kind of about aging and settling down, but i'm not settled yet :) so maybe it's not about me. here's the poem, anyway:

Once, when I'd more knowledge than
A shelf of brittle tomes,
My mind began to wander and
My heart began to roam,
Dissatisfied with "as it were"
And wanting to be "free"
I dreamed of dreams that took me
Where I wasn't meant to be.
Asleep among the hurricane,
Anticipating storm,
Mad-dancing when the daughter of
An avalanche is born--
A glare at danger, or a faint
Defiance of the sure,
I wanted to do everything
For which there is no cure.
But as I ran and dove and swore,
A peace replaced the ache--
At first I thought this signaled loss
And thought my heart would break.
But restless giving way to rest,
A void becoming full,
And beauty besting danger?
I'm contented. I am whole.

Days of Discontent

Good morning--
Today started off with coffee and getting to talk with a friend. Yay! That is a GOOD start, by the way. :)

Last night I was working on putting together a collection of poems from this blog, with vague ideas of sending said collection to publishers...What I came up with was 13-14 poems whose common theme is discontent. The working title of the collection is "Grumblings and Growings." :) which reminds me of Gurgi from the Prydain Chronicles. i don't know that that's something he'd actually say, but there you go. Anyway, the poems I have included are (and you don't have to remember these): the Nose Poem, the Scrawny Snail Poem, Silkie Shrimp, Smaller Sidney and Whiffle Jack, Orangutans, Little Lester Limabean, Fozzle Fox, Harold the Llama, Besty-Bonnie Bitty-Bat, Vernon the Vulture, Oracle (the song), The Dying Leaf, one other random poem that may or may not remain in the collection.
In the 'manuscript', I tried to group them together by: discontent with physical appearances (ex, the snail), discontent with one's character (ex, fozzle fox), and discontent with purpose/not knowing the future (ex, oracle or smaller sidney). Does that sound reasonable to you? Do you think that thirteen poems, which can be illustrated of course, is too few? I guess it all depends on what a company's looking for. and is 'discontent' too pessimistic for a children's book, even if some of the characters are just ridiculous? i don't think the collection leaves you without hope--the dying leaf comes to terms with his fate and is content, and whiffle-jack seems to indicate that you'll be better off if you just don't stress out too much :) Anyway, with that in mind, i wrote a sonnet on discontent this morning. it's from a child's perspective, but i think that it's autobiographical for me now, in many aspects...

I wish I were a different type of child,
Less-prone to fear, perhaps a bit more wild,
With deep green eyes that saw straight to the truth,
Past tricks and condescensions* to my youth.
I wish that it were easier to smile,
To drop my guard, and play a little while,
To dance outside in thunderstorms--to know
No harm will come from either friend or foe.
I wish I glared at Danger till it fled,
Instead of hiding underneath my bed
(Of course, I fear that refuge in the night
When sleeping monsters stir, and I've no light.)

I wish so much, and yet someday, I trust,
My fears and fear-born-dreams will turn to dust.


*how do you spell that?!

Smaller Sidney, Whiffle-jack, and TORNADOS!

So, today i drove home to the tune of TORNADO SIRENS!!! EEEEEEEEEK! just call me dorothy...*shudder.* they're gone now. all is well...

Here is a story about that little feltie guy above, and his duck:

Smaller Sidney had a friend,
A duck named Whiffle-jack,
To whom he voiced his joys and woes;
The duck, in turn, said "Quack!"
"Why am I here on this green earth,
Have I significance?"
To this the duck said "Quack!" (of course),
And did a duck-like dance.
"If I were not a person, but
A type of garden fruit,
Which would I be--a strawberry?
A pear? A peach? Oh, shoot!"
While Sidney's mind spun round and round
And started glowing red,
Ol' Whiffle-jack said "Quack!" (again)
And shook his feathered head.
"And if I were a color, or
A shape, or from the past...?"
Poor Sidney's brain malfunctioned, he
Fell down, and out he passed.
The duck looked vaguely puzzled, then
He drank a drop of rain.
"Quack, quack!" he said, then swam away,
Not needing to explain.

orangutans!

Good nearly-afternoon! (but still morning!) so, in picture three, guess what that is?! a planetary gear...um...reduction?...from a...hydraulic...something-or-other. ah, shoot, i thought i had it down. :) with daniel's eye in the center.

and, a reminder of childhood: dirt cups! here's the recipe, in case you've forgotten, or missed out in the first place: chocolate pudding, whipped cream, crushed oreos, and gummi worms! layer, according to taste and dirt-resemblance. ours, shown above, incorporated an additional treat/novelty item: puckerooms! sour gummi mushrooms. Hands. Down. Awesome. :) get yourself some puckerooms! finally, snooty feltie babushkas from the "Felties" book. yay!

here is a poem about vanity and...monkeys. it's not supposed to be satirical, or anything, i just thought about monkeys dying their hair and it was weird/promising subject matter. :) enjoy, and have a great day (and google 'orangutan' images--cute li'l baby monkeys!)!

What's with all the 'rangutans?
They're coloring their hair!
From rusty red to icy blonde--
I'm trying not to stare,
But, Really--apes becoming vain?
And fashionista chimps?
I fear a future where their fur
Gets curled, permed, and crimped,
With perky bows or butterflies
Adorning ev'ry lock...
It's not polite, and yet I know,
I'll have to point and gawk.
I'll be forever paralyzed,
Stopped, shocked, within my tracks!
I miss those good-old-days, where apes
Just scratched each other's backs.

The Case of the Rubber Leg!

So, thanks to this website: http://www.mypapercrane.com/
I was inspired to try to make feltie food. Bacon and Egg! Silverware*! And, on a different train of inspiration, this little Bear Book...which is sitting on the table because i love having a book with my supper. I couldn't have finished the Bear Book without Daniel's help. He found time to solve my needle-through-paper problem by hammering a nail gently through the pages in order to create needle-ready holes--found time in-between buying groceries for dinner, and cooking them into a delicious meal of udon noodles (our new fave's!), marinated ahi tuna, and stir fried veggies (courtesy of crystal!). After dinner, we had liquor floats :) that is, some rootbeer schnapps, mixed with coke and vanilla ice cream. yum yum yum!
and i guess Mr. Egg above helped get me started on this ridiculous poem:


I'd never eat a wooden egg,
I'd never wear a rubber leg--
The egg would give me quite a pain,
The leg--well, I could not refrain
From letting it propel me through
The atmosphere, up to the moon.
From there, though, I could not come down,
Nor e'er again see my hometown--
I must go further, farther, far,
Must leap from moon to planets, stars,
Straight till the universe's end,
With just my leg to call my friend.

*not food, but food-related...

Artie Choke!

oh, dear. blurry, blurry, blurry, upside-down and upside-sideways. well, these photos depict 1. Myself with an ENORMOUS ARTICHOKE, courtesy of christi flagg 2. Daniel with an artichoke 'heart' :) 3. our new random shirts, which were once again AWESOME--mine is called "coffee break," and i don't know that you can tell from the picture, but there are five little coffee mugs breakdancing, one with a boombox...the woot.com description is that these 5 coffees used to hang out at this abandoned lot, until starbucks came along and forced them to go elsewhere...now they're all doing their own thing. it's alot funnier on the website :) 4. poem-related picture 5. ditto!
so, yesterday was a terribly stressful/weird day until i got off work at 6:30, and rode bikes home with daniel--on the way, we stopped at Glacier chocolatier and bought yummy chocolates (last night's were 'tangerine dream' and 'blood orange honey'--so there was chocolate, and those incredible artichokes that christi made, PLUS our woot shirts were waiting for us, and my dad had sent me a box filled with brownies, coffee, cookies, and granola!! so the day rapidly became AMAZING :)

So, 2 short limericks-ish today...

"Please lend me an ear for a bit--
Mine are tired and throwing a fit.
Sounds sound distant and muffled,
So I'm all beduffled--
I swear I'll take good care of it!"

"What was the name of that man--
Slimy Stu, Sinful William, or Stan?
I wish I remembered,
Cause he owes me dinner!
Last night, when the check came, he ran!" *

*last night, daniel paid for my chocolates so this has nada to do with real life :) thank you!!

sleepy fox, sleepy kitty, happy me

JUST DANCE deoderant! and it smells good! i'm disturbed that i caved and bought the pore-clogging anti-perspirant...and then again i'm looking forward to a less-sweatful summer. and...it's JUST DANCE DEODERANT! yeehaw!
Trouble's snoozin'.
I've been felting up a storm!! as in...i've made at least 10 in the past 2 days that i haven't even photographed yet. but it's so fun! today i tried to branch out and create my own little guys, which yielded a neopolitan ice cream cone, lizard, frog (hideous :), dinosaur, and a sweet li'l bunny!
At which point, it seemed like a good idea to do something else for awhile, and i wrote a poem. about the sleepy fox (and really, about bedtime for children everywhere!)

"Yawns are for the ones who sleep--
And I'm not one of THOSE!
Come 'bedtime' (as they call it), I
Would rather bite my toes
Than put on my pajamas, brush
My teeth, and fall in bed
(The only time I'll even LOOK
Asleep is when I'm dead!)"
With this bold claim, young Frankie Fox
Went tearing 'round the den,
Till Mommy threatened, "Naughty cub!
I'm gonna count to ten,
And you had better be asleep--
Or be pretending so--
Before I get there!" Mommy
Started counting, very slow...
At three, Young Frankie bounced upon
The mattress in her room--
But bounced right off again, before
Continuing to--ZOOM!
At five--and half-way there!--she Did
A sloppy somersault
(And Mom looked rather frazzled, which
I'm sure was not her fault!)
At seven, she was practically
Running through the air!
At nine, she grabbed her pillow and
Went sledding down the stairs.
But--wonder, wonder, could it be?!
She made it into bed!
By count of ten, her eyes are closed,
A halo lights her head.

new felties!

Eeks, I am LOVING this new feltie book! and all the cute little creatures created because of it...
so, no poem today...just some crafts. you can make them, too! tonight, i'm trying a cake decorating class with a couple of coworkers! making flowers, etc. should be fun!

Dexter Fool and Fluffles the Cat

Good ways to start a day:
1. sleeping until you wake up (even if that's 7:30...slight 'grr' on that one :)
2. baking banana-coconut muffins
3. eating said muffins, hot out o' the oven!
4. singing along to Buffy music with Christi
5. remembering that it's April Fool's day, and therefore able to approach everything with an attitude of distrust and skepticism. I WILL NOT BE FOOLED!!! MUHAHAHA! heehee, or something.

But i Will write foolish leetle poems...and draw un-catlike cats. because apparently i only ever drew dogs (not very well), and have NO IDEA how to draw the feline. ah, well. here is a story about a single man and his cat, Fluffles.

Dexter was despondant, and
A bit distressed, to boot.
He'd tried to pet his kitty, but
The look she gave said, "Scoot!"
"If Fluffles doesn't love me--
ME, who feeds and cares for her--
What chance have I of being loved
By any pretty girl??
Oh, I've been single--how long now?
I swear, I've lost the count!
What I CAN safely say is that
I don't look like a trout,
Or any other ugly thing--
I'm quite a handsome guy!
Just maybe...somewhat hesitant?
And maybe...somewhat shy?
Yet, when I talk to Fluffles,
I'm loquacious, funny, fun!
But now my cat has turned from me,
Though nothing have I done!
I face a life of solitude,
Of loneliness, of gloom--
And when I die, no friends will gather
'Round my unmarked tomb.
Oh, woe is me! Ah me! Alas!
What's this? I hear...a purr?!
Sweet Fluffles wants to cuddle now?!
I'm off to find a girl!"