Response to Ecclesiastes

Happy Halloween!
this poem is not actually meant to slam poetry, just pride. :) i read a couple chapters in ecclesiastes this morning.

What is vanity, if not a word
Stuck flat to paper, neither seen nor heard?
Unbreathed, thus lifeless. Drifting disconnect--
Can't move nor move. What else did you expect?
Oh poet, loving sounds more than the voice
Of someone speaking all you planned to write,
Got garbled up by jealousy. Your choice:
To listen, let each syllable ignite
The dead-wood, brittle pride that stamps and swears
You are alone, unique, in all your cares,
That what you feel, adorned in metaphor
More wise, more beautiful--well, simply, more--
Or live in vain, self-soothing sentiment
Unknown to all but you, your audience.

Pizza and Palabras

tonight's activities centered around making eggplant/mushroom pizza (from-scratch crust, woot!) and watching joan of arcadia...the beginning of season two, whoops. once you start, you just HAVE to know what's going to happen next!!! because the characters are so sweet and sometimes just need hugs!! i won't say more, you should watch it.
anyway, afterwards, and a particularly touching scene that pretty much made me cry, here is a song. it started off as a response to joan, though, and then morphed into something about pride again...so it probably doesn't work at all, but i'm trying to convince myself that it does...because ultimately, it's about relationships deepening (another Joan theme)--and what happens when you start getting close to someone. coming up against fear and pride, of course, learning how to be honest...so...maybe it works:

I. You told me your secret. Now
You say you regret it. How?
Cause I--I can't forget it, and
I just want to hold you. Now...

II. There are things that I've not told you
Even now I'm afraid that you
Will discover I'm not what you need or want
And I'm living a lie but I don't trust what is true.

CH. Do you remember that day
When love was less about loving than play?
When we thought we were the only two
And I loved me and you loved you

III. You have a past and I've got my own
And everyone feels that they're all alone
And it's every man for his wounded self
But I long to be free to love someone else
but me.

IV. There are aspects of me you will never need
Like my anger, bitterness, pride, and greed
I'm broken and I may not ever mend
But I promise I'll love you until the end.

Ch. I've heard the poets all say
That love is a gift that will never decay
I pray, and I hope, and I know it's true
Cause you love me and I love you.

Pride, and not the Leonine Kind

i was mean today, and have so much pride to repent of. (of which to repent, right, i know, grammar-police! ;)
step one: admit that i'm not that great at 'Just Dance,' but love it anyway.
step two: learn to really believe that i'm not better than others just because i (imagine that i) work harder. [it's sooooo difficult!!!] there are other priorities. like kindness. and, duh, humility.
step three: quit making mean faces in response to hearing certain people's names, no matter how much i don't like them. what if they find out?!?!? it doesn't matter if they wouldn't care!!
step four: learn to realize it's not okay to indulge in dislike of someone, if that dislike comes with a healthy side of pride.

i don't really know what i'm saying. except, i'm a pride-addict, and here is a poem about it:

Fits of frantic anarchy
Or razor-sharp control,
A bout of bargain comedy,
A terror of the soul.
You cheap-and-cheerful chatterbox,
You Silent-as-the-Grave,
You both, you boast, you justify
'Cause you are all you crave.

For every two lacks one, for three,
But fantasize they're four--
As I imagine empires (mine)
In virtue. Truth, I'm poor--
And lonely at the top of what
I now know as below,
Napoleon of Nada but
The pride that makes me crow.
Yes, that's another emperor:
The man become a beast,
Ten thousand leaves of grass consumed
Before he was released.
But we learn nothing, hazard-hap,
Have hardly history.
The next false king to fertilize
That field may be me.

Beware corruption (it's too late)
We're mired, moired, mud--
And chewing our achievements
As a cow (you guessed it) cud.

But listen--there was always hope,
And hope will ever be.
First, count yourselves as nothing.
Then count sparrows.
One...two...three...

The Past. A River. A Metaphor.

Good afternoon!
ooh, guess what?! i've got FINGERNAILS! for about two more days, until i bite 'em all off again. sigh. sorry, just noticed that, and got excited! ;)

here is a poem...about life getting away from you/chaotic, if you don't take the time to look back--because maybe there are things you don't want to deal with. mainly, i was just having more fun with alliteration :)

A stronger pause,
A periodical suspension,
A superior perusal
Of a snaking past

--That winding river,
Raging waters,
White-tipped, restless,
Rash. Worn. Wild.--

Wield your will and
Drain-or-dam it,
Calm it, can't speed on
Forever.
Gather gray-heads all
Together,
Trace it. Tame your
Time-starved past.

Permit a peace
At last, let go.
Breathe light. Breathe life.
Breathe deep.
Breathe slow.

Seagull Say I Do--melancholily

One more down for the Maritime Romance Album! this song ended up saddish, cause i felt like using a minor chord (b minor, to be exact) :) the second verse, and probably the chorus as well, comes from my reading of the first chapter of the book Men and Women by Dr. Larry Crabb. He was writing about how humans "are committed, first of all, to themselves," and how relational problems flow out of our self-centeredness. If that is a controversial statement, please read the book...i'm not going into any more depth here, right now. plus, i've only read the first chapter anyway :)

Seagull Say I Do

I. Once-white feathers
In the sky
Wandering restless,
Wondering why
Flight's come more than
Metaphor
Fleeing, leaving,
Wanting more

Ch. Do you know he loves you still?
Will come toward you if you will?
Let the voice of love speak through
Seagull say I do

II. Noise unceasing
Seeking peace
Should-haves, could-nots,
Crumpled dreams.
Wanting just to
Find oneself.
What's it costing
Someone else?

Ch.

III. Gliding on a
Gust long-dead
Find your wings and
Lose your dread.
Cherished are the
Stars alight,
Though they hang there
Every night

Ch.

Songs!!

Alright!
i actually wrote two more maritime romance songs! here are the lyrics :)

Nowhere Narwhal

I. Narwhal going no where and
No one there to love
Swimmin so deep down he cannot
See the sun above
Narwhal where you goin?
Goin no where fast
Drifting indecision
Nearly too much time has passed.

II. Narwhal isn't no one but
Narwhal don't know who
Or where is heart is leading as
He navigates the blue.
Where is love awaiting?
or has she lost hope and gone?
Narwhal hesitating
Narwhal breathing, moving on

III. Narwhal nears an ending
To all his solo swims
He swims up to the surface
And he leaves behind the grim
Narwhal never doubt your worth
And narwhal never fear
You thought you were headed nowhere
But, narwhal, you are here

And so is she...

8-Legged Love

I. I've got 8 arms to love you,
Embracing all your charms
I've got 8 arms to comfort you
And keep you safe fro harm.
I may not know karate
But, darling, don't you think
Bad guys will run quite rapidly
If I squirt their eyes with ink?

Ch. I've got 8 legs for lovin' you
The apple of my eye
You sweet, you darling, lovely
Picture-perfect octopi

II. I've got 8 legs to walk your way
But I've got no legs to go
I've got 8 legs to dance with you
Especially if it's slow.
I may have more than two left limbs
That never find the beat--
But, darling, let me dance with you
Till we're both swept off our feet.

Ch.

III. I've got 8 legs to welcome you
But none to wave goodbye.
8 arms means 8 clean tissues
To hand you when you cry.
I don't remember if we've got
The types of nose that blows
But, darling, this is really
all you'll ever need to know...

Ch.

My Maritime Romance

Good evening!

So, my current imaginary project is an album entitled "My Maritime Romance: The History." The tracks so far run as follows:
1. My Seahorse Husband (an actual song that exists now! but needs work)
2. Eight-Legged Love
3. Seagull Say I Do
4. Nowhere Narwhal
5. A Pirate's Wife for Me (???)
um...and one more secret bonus track whose title amuses me but is a pun on a dirty word so i couldn't include it here.

Today's ice cream recommendation: Banana Pudding by Blue Bell! YES PLEASE! i was sad because looking at the carton i didn't think it was going to have vanilla wafers, but OH YES IT DID! a new favorite. get it before it's too cold and the very thought of ice cream gives you brain freeze!

speaking of which, it's time for my 3rd cup of tea today.

thank goodness for roommates who share their electric blankets! :)

currently watching: Joan of Arcadia, which Christi promises is the last show she'll try to get me hooked on :) and yes, it is great so far!

is all for now--have a great evening!

A Classic (Fictitious) Tale of Sibling Rivalry

Good afternoon!
I'd like a nap, please.
No, NOW, please!

oh, right...i'm blogging and attempting productivity!! woohoo!

Today's photos: 1. Trouble and Izzy have taken over my bed! oh the cat hair! oh the laziness of the Katzens. (that's what i call them, when i want to sound fakely german) 2. me in front of our fall party food extravaganza, wearing christi's Daria lenses of Death! (apparently they make you really sweat! weird...) 3. new potteries! (3 out of like, 1,000,000. didn't want to post them all. daniel got some back as well and they look awesome possum!) 4. the sweet, adorable 'message doll' april gave me for my birthday! (along with some yummy-scented lemon verbena soap!) and 5. the latest batch of random shirts from woot--christi included! yay!

in other news: i netti-potted for the first time yesterday! don't know how badly i need to, but it can't hurt, right? and there are sniffly, icky days.
Wedding planning is going well! got our registries pretty much taken care of, which was a ton of fun! ;) daniel was very helpful and it was a nice thing to do together! and finally, trail-running again on turkey mountain. with the faster-than-slow group, which was...a leetle bit too fast. but. we SURVIVED!

and finally, today's poem:

Susie said "I'm sorry."
But her brother asked, "What for?"
"For wrapping you in dirty socks
And rolling you out the door.
For forcing you to smell a plate
Of moldy steak and beans,
And writing "I love ponies!"
On your brand-new pair of jeans.
For dumping bags of garbage
On the floor behind your bed,
And removing all the final scenes
From books you haven't read.
For..." Here her brother stopped her. "Sis,
You've done an awful lot!
And I'd be FURIOUS, except...
There's something you've forgot:
Precisely, that one day on which
I stole your favorite doll,
And stuffed her in the toilet,
Feeling no remorse at all.
The time I told your nasty friends
You pick your nose and snore...
And replaced the posters in your room
With images of gore.
Or..." Susie struck her brother, falling,
Fighting, to the ground.
Their sins and wrongs are even now,
But...who will win this round?

Eldermaya Ennyone

Picture 1: my submission to CakeWrecks :) (which i haven't actually submitted yet...) it's a skeleton body with a giant plastic skeleton head stuck in its chest! what?!?
Picture 2: Just one example of the fabulous food Daniel cooks, and how spoiled i am :)
Picture 3: Tara auditioning for the Cover of Downward Dog Magazine! (thanks, p90x)--on her new Super-Squishy yoga mat from Christi!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Picture 4: a feltie GIR--gave it to Daniel in exchange for 4 mini white chocolate-macadamia nut Luna bars, yum! (actually, we just happened to give each other those items at the same time...)

In other news, i actually wrote a poem today! woot! and speaking of 'woot,' you can buy a Flip camcorder on woot today for just 39.99! a brand new, 1 hour version. Also, i finished Veronica Mars. The ending will break your HEART, if you're hooked...because it is NOT REALLY EVEN AN ENDING AT ALL AND THERE IS NOTHING SATISFYINGLY TIED UP ABOUT IT! BOO TO GOOD SHOWS GETTING CANCELLED TOO SOON! STOP IT!!!!! *pant pant* rant over. :) The poem:

Eldermaya Ennyone
Looks normal as can be--
The trouble is, that often means
She looks like you or me.
She changes shape and height and hair
In order to blend in--
Which can really get confusing when
I think she's my best friend.
The trouble is, that underneath
Her human-seeming face,
She's faintly green, with laser eyes,
And comes from outer space.
And, other than the copy-catting,
She's quite nice to know--
Especially cause she gives us rides
To school in her UFO!

Engagement Story!

Good morning!
So, as most--all?--of you already know, Daniel and I are engaged! YAY!!! :) and this is what happened:

First of all, let me just point out that it was an incredibly busy week at work...Wed was an 11 hour day, Thursday 10, and Friday was pretty much 6 a.m. to 9:30 p.m., waking up again on Saturday at 4:30 for a Farmer's Market shift (the busiest ones!). so i was EXHAUSTED! [the busy-ness was the result of volunteering to take part in Wine and Roses, an event to benefit the Tulsa Garden Society that took place in the rose garden at woodward park--probably about 50 tents for restaurants, and nearly that many for wine vendors. people pay to get in, then mill around to the different tables, eating whatever catches their eye/nose. it ended up being super fun, and i'm glad we did it. people LOVED us!! being one of the only dessert tents ;) ]
Anyway. Daniel worked till 5 on saturday, and a race party to go to at 6 (which i was bowing out of, being so tired...) but he rode over here in order to cook us dinner--amazing dinner!--of crab-stuffed flounder, mushrooms/green pepper sauteed in balsamic vinegar and red wine, and spaghetti noodles. Note the spaghetti noodles. They play a major role in this story. ;)
It was DELICIOUS, Christi was there, i was wearing pajamas.
In the course of eating, i was talking to daniel about family things, basically assuming him as part of the family. and he said, joking, "well, I'd have to marry you first!" At which point I turned to him, noodles hanging out of my mouth in the most unromantic way, and wailed (also in a joking way), "Please marry me!"
Daniel's response: "Well, then, I guess I'd better give you this!" and he pulled out the ring and --ta-da!! we are engaged! and for the rest of our lives, when telling our engagement story, i get to re-enact the wailing noodle mouth. :) it was just mean. but quite fitting :)