Royal-Moral Dilemma

Am I slave, or master?

Am I crushed, or clinging fast

To parasite, disaster,

Sinful Present, painful Past?

And can I royally decree:

“Ghosts and demons, turn and flee!

Nevermore dishonor beauty,

Nevermore bewilder me.”

Or must I dance when bidden

To the death if not despair—

Strings attached, if faintly hidden

By the dust-elated air?

They say the minds of innocents

Are always first to go,

For the innocent are foolish,

The poor innocent are slow—

But I have seen that innocence

Stand naked, hero-sung,

Face evil with the passion of

An uncorrupted Sun

That burns until the end of days,

The last great light to fade,

Dismissed a faithful servant--

You’ve done well, for you’ve obeyed.

But back to this dilemma:

I am slave--and master, too,

Determinate, determining,

Dependent, then, on You

For of myself, I author evil,

By evil I fall.

But You are evil’s conqueror,

The King renewing all.

On Jealousy

Any with the envy, pressing
Problematic,
                     pained
Tense and terse and undermined
By self-erasing
                    shame.
Leave me with a shred of...something...
Spark of story,
                     Pride,
The voice that falls to voiceless
As you prattle by its side.

Petitioning for pity. Fooling me, at least
                   --And you?--
Where wrong is right and right condemned
And I for I the rule.
Forgetting with the spiral,
At the center,
                  at the end:
I've bought myself this torment,
Spending hatred--
                 and a friend.


That's about where my mind is right now. I've been in a real whirlwind of sinful thoughts/emotions. Probably has something to do with choosing to do just about anything other than read the Bible and pray. Especially pray. Sigh.

On a related note, I was reading some of Auden's poetry, searching for seasonal themes, when I came across these lines from part three of "In Memory of W.B. Yeats." I studied this poem a few years ago (In Lyric Poetry with Dr. Holly Laird--wonderful class, any current/future TU students!) and loved it, but these lines are like new--because I frankly don't remember them at all.

"Follow, poet, follow right
To the bottom of the night,
With your unconstraining voice
Still persuade us to rejoice;

With the farming of a verse
Make a vineyard of the curse,
Sing of human unsuccess
In a rapture of distress;

In the deserts of the heart
Let the healing fountain start,
In the prison of his days
Teach the free man how to praise."

6 Till Deadline

Daniel has a stocking, Christmas is coming!

Thank you, Owl and Drum, for selling this fun bike-themed fabric collection by Windham Fabrics! Don't know what to do with it....but it sure is promising!

Obviously this picture came from a colder time, but I just ran across it and figured the internet wouldn't be complete without it. 

Threading through an hourglass
Berating sands of time,
Racing future, present, past-
Poor Chronos lags behind.

Weightier with gravity
Than one glib particle
That wafts like snow, while I am I--
A breath, a beat, a soul.

In other words, the deadline for dropping a class at OSU Tulsa with a 100% refund is this coming Monday. I'm going to a class tonight. If anyone wants to pray that it will either be really awesome or really booooring (so that I have some indication of whether or not to pursue this degree), that would be appreciated.

Also, have I mentioned my Dad's photography blog yet? It's wonderful--I inherited NONE of his photography genes, so don't pre-judge him when you see my dreadful little pics up there. Dad's photos are a veritable visual delight :) www.aaronbowenphotography.com

My First Birthday Gift...!

YOU KNOW YOU WANT FUNFETTI PANCAKES!!!

It's a Musical-singing day: Rocky Horror, Wicked, Rent...poor neighbors. :)

Example: Discontent

Estate sales can be wonderful. A few days ago, Daniel and I dropped by one with a book room. The take? Ender's Game (just finished, loved), Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, Tuck Everlasting, Breakfast at Tiffany's, and Spoon River Anthology.

Not bad, eh? Spoon River Anthology, written by Edgar Lee Masters, is a series of epitaphs-in-verse, each spoken by a citizen of Spoon River who now lies buried in the village cemetery. Here are two, set side-by-side, blatantly exposing the human tendencies to envy and despair.

Albert Schirding
Jonas Keene thought his lot a hard one
Because his children were all failures.
But I know of a fate more trying than that:
It is to be a failure while your children are successes.
For I raised a brood of eagles
Who flew away at last, leaving me
A crow on the abandoned bough.
Then, with the ambition to prefix Honorable to my name,
And thus to win my children's admiration,
I ran for County Superintendent of Schools,
Spending my accumulation to win--and lost.
That fall my daughter received first prize in Paris
For her picture, entitled, "The Old Mill"--
(It was of the water mill before Henry Wilkin put in steam.)
The feeling that I was not worthy of her finished me.

Jonas Keene
Why did Albert Schirding kill himself
Trying to be County Superintendent of Schools,
Blest as he was with the means of life
And wonderful children, bringing him honor
Ere he was sixty?
If even one of my boys could have run a news-stand,
Or one of my girls could have married a decent man,
I should not have walked in the rain
And jumped into bed with clothes all wet,
Refusing medical aid.

On a happier, less-melodramatic note, Daniel just got home with a surprise--he cleaned all the  bike grease off of the back seat of our car! Which means: now would be a good time for us to give you a ride somewhere. It looks Brand New! Yay! (Not that there's anything wrong with bike grease, it's just nice to see it looking all nice and spiffy :)

I Break for Books.

 Here are some of the lovely books I've been reading lately! My sewing machine decided to take a break for a while (hopefully it's rested long enough--I need it!).

 On the other hand, I don't really Want to do anything other than tear through more Flavia de Luce books (pictured below, written by Alan Bradley, absolutely marvelous). Flavia is an 11-year-old chemist/sleuth, and a fascinating mix of genius/child, loving/undemonstrative (no hugs in the de Luce family!), self-assured/easily driven to doubt by her tormenting sisters. Plus, her family lives in an old mansion that they may lose at any moment, being in fact fairly poor. Read Flavia!

Also, Mums visited for a day and we went on a bike ride, watched/participated in a latte art competition, and went to Friday morning coffee cupping at Topeca roastery! Yay! Great visit!

And finally, because periodically I have to make ice cream recommendations, here is today's: Haagen-Dazs' Sea Salt Caramel Gelato. Oh. My. Word. Grab a Flavia de Luce book, a pint of this, and you Will have the best day of your life.

Da-DA! The Moment You've All Been Waiting For...!!!

Or, probably not. But after a brief hiatus, I am back! My airtight excuse for not blogging lately is this: I have become a sewing machine!

Also took a trip to OKC, which included drinking cappuccinos (Elemental and Coffee Slingers), eating donuts, eating the best grilled cheese sandwich ever (at The Mule), swimming, drinking wine, visiting the amazing Full Circle bookstore, watching one of the most depressing films ever (Oranges with Hugh Laurie), shopping, etc. So fun! Oh, running four miles in extreme heat. Less fun :)

Also, I have been reading many good books lately! This is our favorite page from Edward Gorey's Epiplectic Bicycle that I couldn't resist buying for Daniel, who is both an Edward Gorey and a bicycle fan.

Here is a link to a video a grad student made of the Epiplectic Bicycle. (This is the kind of book I'm afraid we will be raising our children on. We are shooting for crazy.):

http://vimeo.com/11171863

That is all for now! Off to the bank and, here's hoping, a haircut?!?