good gracious i need to read that Boundaries book fast, or something. right now my boundary is glaring at people i have a problem with, because i know that if i have an actual confrontation, i'll just stutter and sound Stupid until i end up admitting i'm wrong. which i always am. why is everything always my fault?? because i have such a bad, glaring attitude that completely overwhelms the original issue. or something.
anyway. the point is, i (through no initiation of my own) admitted to being wrong about something earlier that involved a truck-load of glaring and obvious silent anger, and...it's all so confusing and now i'm part-wondering if i just have NO backbone whatsoever, and if i'm just a jerk to people because i know if it comes to an argument they will crush me, but mainly...i have a rotten attitude sometimes, downright evil. and i hurt people i actually love...
[which is something we all do at times. and going back to the previous post, i Love watching friendships like the ones in My So-Called Life and Rent (the musical) because the people are so obviously broken and they hurt each other a lot...but they still love each other so well. and i want to be that obviously broken, because what a relief (of all the pretending), and to love people like that and know i'm loved like that. which i am, but i don't usually truly believe it.]
anyway again, i wrote a poem. woot.
End solitude--a tear
Regardless of what resolution passed,
Regret.
And now, new roads, routines,
To circumvent the threat:
Recurring roots of bitterness,
Of wrath.
Remember this, or waste relationship--
A mile-running row of broken trusts,
And tears ten-fold in ev'ry eye
But mine,
Too hardened to hear hurt,
Unblinking,
Only...passing by.
So, at the end of all,
Or in the fray--
A hope?
A Promise.
Rest-assuring, Sure:
That burdened, broken hearts will float away,
Find love, find healing,
Living
"Follow Me."
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